No joke, this is the stack of cookbooks in our kitchen, as they lay. Anyone care to guess which ones belong to which housemate? :-D

Ah, what a unified household we are!

"Ain't no woman like the one-eyed Gott".
You might be wondering where I saw this one. Well, I was researching the use of basswood in pipe organ construction... and, well, there it was! (This is a curiosity test)

"Industry Leader in Supplying Obsolete Electronic Components"

--a company slogan that just doesn't sound quite right! But it is real, and it actually makes sense. 4-Star Electronics

"They tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat"

-- Summary of Jewish holiday celebrations, overheard

Q: "Why do bagpipers pace back and forth?"

A: "To get away from the sound."

"Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee"

Winter Statistic:

98% of Americans say "Oh, #%$&" before sliding into the ditch on a slippery road.

The other 2% are from Vermont, and say "Hold my beer and watch this!".

Amen. It snowed last night. Time to go driving....

"Spacebook, or MyFace?"

"Draft dodger, eh? Well, we'll see if those trees you're always hugging will save you when Gordon Lightfoot comes creepin' 'round your back stair."
--One of my favorite Homestarrunner quotes, which I remembered after my recent re-discovery of Gorgon Lightfoot

"...it's free, yet it will cost you everything". -- The preacher this past week, referring to salvation. However, all I could think of was this free sailboat I looked at once, for which I think the same statement applies. :-P

"NyQuil... the coughing, sneezing, stuffy head, how did I end up on the kitchen floor medicine"

Brad: "We're going to watch The End of the Spear"
Me: "Really? Why don't we just watch the whole thing?"

"Unwanted: String instruments, any kind/condition (802)878-2271" --seen in the classifieds today. I'm thinking like, um, ok, thanks for letting me know... if I ever have any stringed instruments for sale I'll be sure not to call you. :-)

Maybe they've been having a lot of trouble with stringed instrument telemarketers lately?

"Flush early, flush often" Good advice that I'm nevertheless hoping I don't have to heed quite as religiously in my new place

"Feast of Booze" -- Even after all this time, what I initially think he's saying whenever I hear the preacher say "Feast of Booths".

"Don't ask 'who will let me', ask 'who will stop me'." This can be applied in all sorts of good and evil ways, but pretty profound either way. For me, it meant temporarily piling some trash out back without asking anyone first. ;-) Don't worry, its gone now. I heard this quote from a friend yesterday, but apparently it was coined by philosopher and novelist Ayn Rand. I never heard of her until googling this quote today, but according to Wikipedia her ideas sound pretty fascinating.

"Does this mean we're actually going to have to start talking to the guy next to us now?" --a chilling thought regarding the new carry-on rules on airlines.

A couple of odd classifieds I saw this week in the Burlington Free Press:

Lost: 4-wheeler, 8/4/06 in Hinesburg 1995 Dark Blue Honda 300. Offering $100 reward for info leading to where it is.
I'd love to know the story behind this one. Perhaps it was just stolen, but if that were the case you'd think it'd be worded slightly differently. 4 wheelers are relatively large objects to just lose.

Upright Concert Grand Epworth piano, new in 1901, Excellent condition, $300 or best offer.
I just got a chuckle out of the "new in 1901". Like, um, ok... I guess maybe its an excuse to get the word "new" into the ad? Hard to say.

Peter: "I'm trying to decide whether to fix my car and keep it, or trade it in."
David: "Does it have air conditioning?"
Peter: "Yeah"
David: "Does it work?"
Peter: "Yeah"
David: "Keep it"

I applied this simple but wise principle in deciding to repair The White Whale. Turns out the rear axle has been ready to fall off for the last few weeks, oops! The thought of retiring it crossed my mind when I found this out yesterday, but the fix is actually not too bad, so I'll be driving it a little while longer... but will be bicycling it for a few days.

"let's see... the opening band... Genadm Lawn? Oh, wait, no, that's General Admission Lawn. Never mind. Doesn't say."

"Do or do not; there is no someday" -- My slight modification of the famous Yoda-ism as I declare war on procrastination.

"That cow put a spell on me" -- The coolest radio station ever has bluegrass music every Sunday morning, and this morning they played this hilarious yet amazing bluegrass redo of a Jimmie Hendrix song. After some googling I think its the song on this recording entitled "Purple Hay" by the Strange Rangers. Debating whether to add this to my list of CD's I'd like to buy. Wish I had more info to go on. There doesn't seem to be any MP3 samples available. Anyone know anything?

"I think the fact that so many people have blogs is a sign of the end times" --Seth, when I asked him if he had a blog.

What was said (to me recently): "You are being really patient with that onion."

What was meant: "If you don't hurry it up with that onion I'm going to scream."

;-)

What was said (to me, years ago): "Keep trying, you can do it!!"

What was meant: "You stink at this!"

:-)

"Things that make you go" --Seen tonight on the cover of a menu at Chili's. It turns out that there are tabs on the side that say "Mmm", "Sweet", "Yum", etc, but I didn't notice those at first.

"Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a little off, but the rest come out ok." I don't remember where I heard this but I thought of it yesterday as I was frying up some pancakes. I was the oldest of 2, by the way.

Submitted by Paul: "I was hanging out with some other people - and as it seems often happens a group of four people happened to cluster together, and all happened to be native Vermonters, two of the other three natives in the room soon gathered in and the following expression was uttered: 'He's flannel on the inside, though'. This in reference to a Flatlander who has the character, though not the lineage, of a Real Vermonner."

Notice Paul's spelling of Vermonter: "Vermonner". I think this is accidental, but it is actually how a real Vermonter would pronounce it.

"Bed by ten, home by midnight" --An interesting motto I overheard at work last night. I guess its a more honest version of Ben Franklin's famed "early to bed..." saying.

"Just cause a cat has her kittens in the oven don't make them biscuits." ... an olde Vermont saying on why being born in Vermont doesn't necessarily make one a "Vermonter". Spoken (in Jest... sort of) by Paul last week.

"The golden rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules" --from a coworker back when I worked in the organ shop.

"Gut Deer?" --bumper sticker seen on pickup truck today

"Craps with Maps" --the other name for the board game "Risk"

"This Old Life" --I think my Dad was actually referring to the movie, "Its a Wonderful Life". Mixing it up with "This Old House" perhaps?

"You nailed the head right between the eyes!" --um, er, something like that

"Anything's possible. Except for the impossible. But that just costs more." --A welder guy that I hired to try to weld my rusty Toyota Pickup back together maybe 7 years ago now.

Bible
Books
Babes
Baseball
--The priority list hung on the wall in the room of one of my dormmates in college.

"In God we trust, all others pay cash" What the coins were supposed to say, but there wasn't room.

"It's my opinion and it's very true!" Submitted by "Moma Bear" via comment. Seen on a T-shirt.

Don't Drink and Park!
Drinking and parking can cause accidents...
--Contributed by "giwro" in a comment.

"In the beginning was the word, and the word was chocolate, and it was good." seen on a T-shirt

"There's a bathroom on the right" CCR, in the song entitled "Bad moon Rising". Listen for yourself. Now all I'm wondering, why isn't the title "There's a bathroom on the right". I'm confused...

;-)

"You wet your bed, now lie in it." Tagline for a new line of plastic bedsheets. Seen here.

"I'll see it when I believe it" Strong Bad. I actually missed it the first time I heard it. The more I think about it, the more profound this revised saying seems.

"Some things in life are affordable. For everything else, there's Mastercard"

Hurricane Katrina

"I can't even imagine it"
"Did you put something in the Red Cross bucket?"
"It's everyone's duty to help if they can."
"Shut up! Anyone dumb enough to live in New Orleans deserves what they get. Besides, they're shooting at the rescuers!"
"Hell no [on donating]. I don't f____n know anyone in Louisiana"
"They should have evacuated everyone before the storm even arrived. What a disgrace. George Bush reminds me of Richard Nixon."
"I wish I had visited New Orleans while it was still there."

What some of my colleagues at work said about Hurricane Katrina the other day.

"We are the world" ..what the U.S. will say if we ever get into the green on the terror alert spectrum.

"You could have been a hippie. You've got the right mannerisms, you're into sailing, you like VW Buses. You were just raised wrong, man" Mark, a cool old deadhead from work, referring to me. Hmmm....

You Can't Be Serious

Seen in classifieds the other day: "LLAMA TREK: Looking for something different? Enjoy a unique country experience. Walking the Vermont country side in the company of a Llama, ending with a picnic in a meadow. $30 per person. For reservations call West Wind Llamas (802)933-4809"

Translation: "We've got Llamas. Is there anything useful we can do with them to justify their existence? We can't raise 'em cuz no one will buy em. Shearing them to sell the wool isn't worth the effort. We could have a petting farm, but then we'd have to keep the yard looking presentable. We could eat them, but that's kind of messy. What?!! Are you nuts!? Think there's anyone dumb enough? Nah... ya think? hmmm...."

"There's nothing remarkable about [playing the organ]. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself." -- J.S. Bach (supposedly).

Technically, this saying is too old to be something "just made up" but I'm the boss here and I say we're publishing it anyway! :)

"See ya bright and ugly"

"Old time music... its better than it sounds" Referring to old country music, Carter family, et al. I'm not sure who coined it; I heard it from David, an old timey musician himself. For all I know, it might have been Miles Davis, who apparently often selected such music for the jukebox. When other jazz musicians asked why, he said, "Just listen to the words".

"The odds are good, but the goods are odd" ...what single women in Alaska say

"Mechanically reclined" -- the opposite of mechanically inclined. Coined by Chris, from Cedarville. (Not to be confused with the Chris from the previous post.) Where are you Chris? Are you reading this? (yeah right... this is a blog, no one reads blogs). ;) Haven't seen Chris since our Cedarville days. Funny to think that Cedarville is where I learned what the "double click" is. That was 1994. Yikes I was behind the times in thems days.

"Half of one, six dozen of the other" David, who probably got it from Chris.

"Keep the crud moving" -- John Crawford, an old-timey navigator. The guy who mentored the guy who mentors me. The quote from the other day about self-storage reminded me of it. In other words, if you're not using it... get rid of it. I'm in the middle of a major life-purge right now, so this is very relevant.

"Police Department fundraiser" -- PC for "speed trap"

"Museum of Personal Failure" --The Onion, on self-storage buildings.

"He broke his neck tripping over a 'wet floor' sign"

I saw this on my way to work yesterday.

"I LOVE Bob Dylan's music! Well... except when Bob Dylan sings it." Overheard in conversation the other day

"So what ever happened to preparations A through G? What ever happened to the people who tried them?" A fellow VTC student to another. Paraphrased.

"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin." - H. L. Mencken. Saying provided by Denise

She also asked me "What would an optimistic cynic look for Andy?", because of my post a few weeks ago (entitled "funny sayings") where I talked about how I discovered I may be an "optimistic cynic". My answer will appear below if you click here.

"Like a rock," said my friend of his broken down Chevy sitting in the driveway like a, well... like a rock.

"Move only if necessary" Seen by BennyK on an empty cardboard box in a pile of boxes in a backroom. Good life motto, given the previous post.

"No pain, no pain" My personal philosophy on exercise.

Seen on bumper sticker today: "Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. --Dorothy"

"Let's bring her back before she gets any bigger!" Me, at 6 years old, referring to my sister, then 1 year old.

"... and best of all, its cheaper to fly than it is to drive!" My friend from New Zealand on the perks of traveling to New Zealand from America. I suppose he is right...

"There are those of us that know control is only an illusion, everyone else is in therapy. " Contributed by D

"When I say broadband, I ain't talkin' 'bout the Dixie Chicks!" The "local yokel" guy who talks in a fake hick Vermont accent on a radio ad for powershift.com.

"Ok, guys, repeat after me, 'It is not God's will for me to marry a beautiful, newly converted Chinese woman.'" I heard this from Tim about his Pastor speaking to the young men about to embark on a short term missions trip to China.

"Doesn't it seem a bit odd that in a garden alone with a gorgeous, nude woman, Adam was tempted by some piece of fruit?" (overheard) (clever, huh? See comment.)

"Life is like a box of chocolates. Every once in a while you get a good one, but usually you get those nasty hard ones that rip your fillings out." (me. I don't really mean it, I just thought it was clever -- even if I do say so) ;)

"Das ist ein hundewetter!" From a learn-to-speak-German book. I LOVE to say it... you can sound so angry. :) But I was very disappointed to learn that Germans never say this. Oh well.

"A word is worth a thousand pictures" Peter Chapin, a programming instructor I once had at Vermont Tech. He was referring to the indicipherable icons you see on computer applications, and also sometimes found on car dashboards and other products. Sometimes a word is much better.

"Don't believe everything you think." A bumper sticker quoted in an interesting new Burlington music magazine called "State of Mind". In an age of truth-is-whatever-I-say-it-is, this is a refreshing thing to see in a pagan magazine in a pagan town like Burlington. I might write more on this magazine soon...

"There's a rumor that Bob Dylan may be getting back together again." (Woods Tea Company)

"I think its really important to be friendly to ugly girls too. They might have good looking friends." I won't say who said this, but it wasn't me :)

"Oh, you'd be surprised what you can do" (My mom's fabulous response to a woman who said "I could never do that!", referring to the fact that we were living without electricity or plumbing for a year when I was a kid).

"My grandmother was a SWEET old lady. You know how she became a sweet old lady? Well, she started out as a sweet young lady, and then, she just... got old." (Dr. Richard Allen Farmer)

"I should not feel this alert. I do not want to feel this alert. Sleep has stood me up, and only now has the disappointment fueled enough anger for me to swallow my pride, stand up, and get out of there." Great metaphor by Benny K

"So if George Bailey jumped off a bridge... would you?"

"Don't forget to leave the stool sample on your manager's desk for the drug test before you leave today." (Veteran employee to new employee) True story. I was the new employee. No, I didn't fall for it, but did find it hilarious.

"Thanks, you don't owe me one anymore." (To someone who has just done you a favor)

"Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh." (overheard)

"Anything worth doing is worth doing twice". Old saying I just made up. I first coined the phrase while working for someone who liked to hurry and get it done, and worry about the consequences later.

"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me." (Dave Barry)